ROFL... I love The Onion.
"'I will cut my hair to its 1993 length, and we can talk about anything you want before we do it,' Ryder said. "Fears for the future, your frustration at having to be part of the corporate machine, anything. We can even listen to period-appropriate music of your choice. Except for Soul Asylum. That is off the table.'"
"'I am not taking this lightly,' said Ryder, who has only done one nude scene in her entire career. 'This came about after years of careful consideration and hearing from every single person within 10 years of my age that they had a crush on me. If I'm going to do it, it's going to be with the same passion I bring to my acting.'"
"Added Ryder, 'To be honest, I've always had sort of a crush on Generation X myself.'"
"'It's tempting, but I've been down that road before,' Generation X member Johnny Depp, 47, said. 'Besides, I weirdly always had more of a thing for Janeane Garofalo.'"
